The Peter Pan Syndrome

THE PETER PAN SYNDROME

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Day by day I realize that there are more men out there that seem like they never grow up or do not want to grow up, they are unable to fulfill adult responsibilities, sometimes even dress up and enjoy themselves as teenagers at an age of over 30. In the Western Society, an increasingly number of adults has emotionally immature behavior. In Spain, more than the 60% of men in their 30’s and 40’s live with their parents, party like there is no tomorrow and lack ability to compromise in a serious relationship. I am sure that there are women out there reading this and know exactly what I am talking about. How many of these type of men do you know?

But, why call it Peter Pan?

The Peter Pan Syndrome (PPS) is named after a character who lives in Neverland, a place where children do not age. This very idea, of being saved from the grasp of reality and flying into a place where they can play, party, dance, laugh and have a complete removal from the other dimension known as an everyday life; this is too wonderful not to consider. According to these men who suffer from this condition; adults politely try to burst their pink bubble with rules and reminders about the “real world”. The Peter Pans believe that the adult world is extremely problematic and they worship youth, which is why they want to stay in this state of privilege.

An example of a PPS could be the legendary Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson was Peter Pan himself; he created his own peculiar Neverland.

This syndrome is yet not considered a psychopathology.  It can affect both sexes, but it appears more often among men. 

Here are some of the characteristics to recognize them:

a.       Inability to take upon responsibilities.

b.      Inability to commit or keep promises.

c.       Excessive care about the way they look, their well-being.

d.      Fear of loneliness.

e.      Emotionally stagnant at an adolescent stage.

f.        Strive to show “Macho”.

g.       Extremely good social manners.

h.      Concerned about others opinions, especially males.

i.         Level best to help everyone else except his partner.

j.        Looks for independence and freedom.

k.       Finds boundaries and limits intolerable.

PPS and relationships…

The PPS describe men, who are childish in their relationships, their inability to handle responsibilities and their pursuit of enjoyment.  They cope with their problems with denial -If I don’t think about it, the problem will disappear. – They constantly change partners looking for younger ones.  When a relationship rises to a certain level of commitment and responsibility, they become afraid and break it up.

PPS and emotions…

Emotions are very hard to handle for a person suffering from PPS. - They love or care for you, but can’t remember to express their love.-  At times they appear warm and loving, but these feelings change quickly into apathy; which confuses their partners. Some of these men say that they have become cold and indifferent, that they have lost their emotions and they don’t know what they feel anymore.

PPS and people…

These people are usually scared of loneliness, which is why they try to surround themselves with people who can meet their needs. The sufferer urgently needs to fit in. It seems that there is a huge emptiness in his life. They bolt to rescue someone (a friend, a relative, a contact) from a problem (small or big), at times without warning their mates that they have left the house.

The Wendy Dilemma…

Okay boys, you are not the only ones with emotional behavior troubles. The Wendy Dilemma refers to women who in a relationship behave like a parent more than like a partner. They mother their mates, treating them like immature children. Most of them claim that they don’t have two or three children, adding one more to the number referring to their husband. They lack self-identity basing their security on others approvals and making sure they have an acceptable social image.

NEET generation

NEET means youngsters that are not in education, are not in employment and are not in training. This generation is associated with the PPS. 50% of the NEET generation find themselves this situation because of the credit crunch and the world economy. But the rest of the 50% are in this situation for the reason of they love not bearing any adult responsibilities and they have the means to be able to stay in this stage of life.

So, what do I do if I know someone with PPS?

The person who suffers from this is not aware of the problem. The only solution is the right psychological treatment, not only centered on the person who suffers from the disorder but a treatment joined with his family as well. Do remember, that not every man who have a few of these symptoms have the PPS.  Men with this diagnostic can have a different degree of the syndrome and for this reason not all treatments are carried out the same way. Let’s not forget, that the mind of every individual is a unique and mysterious world.  

“Growing up is losing some illusions, in order to acquire others.” (Virginia Woolf)